In a few days my wife Brenda, will be celebrating her birthday. While this post will be a total surprise to her, I am sending this out as an homage, as I think of lessons I’m learning from our journey together.  

Marriage is hard. Good marriages take work and great marriages take commitment. While this post isn’t about marriage, the observation is certainly noteworthy.

Commitment has little to do with feelings and more to do with doing it regardless. Like anything, there will be days we’re just not feeling it. We all have them, even though responsibility compels us to bite the bullet. 

Our steadfastness to the value of commitment in areas of our faith, family, work, learning and personal development, adds strength to the foundation for our lives. 

Except in rare cases, I’ll bet someone, somewhere is counting on us to be loyal, available, healthy, honest, dependable, listening, compassionate, faithful, forgiving, prayerful and supportive, and this list may be inexhaustible.

While commitment isn’t for the faint of heart, its main focus isn’t self serving, but a focus on others, and is outreaching. It ensures and gives confidence to another that we can be counted on and will remain steady.

As one would expect, there will be obstacles to what we commit ourselves to, which behooves us to consider before committing. 

At times there are things out of our control, death, delays, bad weather, bad health, terrible timing, unforeseen circumstances… However, when we honor our obligation we go the distance even above and beyond at times. 

Even in the toughest of circumstances, we strive to keep our commitment as best as humanly possible, as they should be consciously made and honorably upheld.

Granted, that’s how I envision commitment, you may not agree with me at all, but in my perception of commitment, it’s not easy to get out of, because our word is on the line. 

This is why we should count the cost BEFORE commiting.

That said; this is what I wanted to describe to you about Brenda, her commitment in standing with me through a severe rough patch of life. She has been commitment personified, it inspires me to live more committed as well!

I realize everyone doesn’t have this, and frankly I don’t have it because I deserve it, but in some way God smiled on me and sent kindness my way. 

By the way, this commitment is a two way street! So my prayer for you isn’t to have what I have, but better. Maybe it won’t be found in a marital  relationship or maybe it will.

My cautionary question is; is it the commitment you seek to provide for others in a selfless way, or is it the commitment you’re holding out for to receive from them?  The good news is, we get to decide.

Happy Birthday Brenda and thank you for your selfless devotion.

anablepsis.

Last night I dreamed I was living inside my last day of life. I hasten to point out that I’ve never been able to choreograph my dreams, let alone remember them. I’ll further add, I don’t plan on dying anytime soon. As I consider it further, I believe this dream contains more insight than death and its reality. This dream reminded me of the gravity and value of time. Time is one of the most valuable resources in life itself because of how finite and irreplaceable it is. 

Once a moment passes, it can never be retrieved, making time more precious than money or any material possession. How we use time directly impacts what we can achieve. There is what we prefer to do, and there is what we should do. At times we are unable to differentiate the two. 

Have you ever passed on something that wasn’t pressing, but important? We chose comfort or entertainment over the thing that wasn’t pressing, but necessary.

Time, like equity, can add value to our lives. I received a notice in the mail that my drivers license was expiring in about 90 days. The time it took to fill out the DMV application online without being “under the gun”gave me  peace of mind, averting an expired license experience or spending hours in line at the DMV on the last day. 

That time could now be used in another productive way. No stress.

Our life is essentially the sum total of our time. The experiences, relationships, and memories that define our lives are all built in how we spend our time. 

The choices we make in how, where and with whom we spend our time may be just as important as time itself. 

The nature of time is that each of us is running out of it everyday, all day. This befits us to remember the prayer of Moses in Psalm 90:12; ‘So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom’ – ESV

Because life is so brief, Moses prays to God for wisdom on how to use our days because of how few there are left. 

In other words, “Give us Your wisdom, that teaches us how to best use our time.” -Kelvin translation

This opens up something important. Have you ever considered yourself just a manager of time rather than an owner of it? 

When it comes to life, we don’t “punch our own time clock”to exit. So with this in mind, I see the importance of Moses’ appeal all the more. 

Try to enjoy quality moments that aren’t clouded with complaining, dissatisfaction, anxiety and the like, this is our one and only tour through life, and it’s far too short… don’t sweat the small stuff.  

anablepsis.

George is a gentleman who walks within a 5 mile radius of the neighborhood my parents have lived in for several years, in a suburb of Illinois. He lives about 4 doors down from my parents. 

Ever since my folks moved to this neighborhood, there was George. I’ve seen him walk in winter, spring, summer and fall….consistently.

Well, I may as well “spill the beans” now about my fascination with George and his walks. You see, George doesn’t walk erect as most of us do, he is bent forward as his normal posture allows, and as he walks from a bent position, he doesnt go all the way up to a full standing position. So if you can imagine starting half way and just going almost midway up and back down, is how he walks. It’s a rhythmic walk of up and down. 

There is a medical condition he was diagnosed with in his 20’s. From what I’m told, he will never get better. My Dad told me years ago he’s seen mild improvements over the years in his posture, but George keeps walking, diligently.

So what can be so intriguing to me about a man and his walks?  You see, George walks in pain.

So the question comes to me; ‘why would a person continue to walk in pain with no guarantee of ever getting better’? 

I’m not sure, but here begins my post. 

As humans, we are prone to comfort and ease. (It’s not a knock,) it’s a common trait among humans. We want it ‘not too hot”, ‘not too cold’ but ju-u-u-st right…. perfect!

It’s rare that I’m willing to wait in long lines at the market, restaurant or a short handed bank teller line if given the choice. I’ve been conditioned to a fast paced life. I don’t know about you but, I’ve been spoiled by more speed, faster, quicker internet, etc. Amazon provides some items the same day for folks who can’t or would rather not wait. The list goes on.

With all our conveniences today one wonders how our predecessors ever made it? They feared things in their day, and we have anxiety in ours, but some of the things I may grapple over today, barely qualifies to have anxiety over it at all. 

In the 1940s and 1950s, people often feared the threat of nuclear war and the potential devastation it could bring. This fear was pervasive during the Cold War era, especially heightened during events like the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. 

Today, while concerns about nuclear war still exist, many people also experience anxiety over issues like climate change, cyber attacks, and global pandemics, and other societal fears. 

I hasten to say, I don’t make light of anyone’s misfortune or things that trigger anxiety for them, however there are those who have everything and still worry themselves into oblivion! To me, this prevents one from acknowledging just how good they have it, and the countless people that would LOVE to trade places.

To see someone like George, while given no favorable prognosis of ever getting better and walking in pain leaves me compelled to salute him. 

There was a man in bible times who’s name was Enoch.(Genesis 5:24, Hebrews 11:5) Enoch, similar to George, was known for walking but he walked with God…. that’s all, he walked. Bible history records he walked so well with God, he disappeared, God actually took him! This was NOT a bad thing, it was actually great because God saw Enoch’s consistent and pure walk and said, ‘Enoch, your walking days are over now, come rest with me’.

I can’t say whether George is walking with God or not, but I’m certain God is walking with him! Maybe his walks may not lead to a disappearing act like Enoch in his case, but maybe God left him here as a witness and even a reminder of God’s goodness to me, and how things don’t necessarily have to be as good as they are.

While George doesn’t walk for show, it’s hard not to notice him, and knowing a little more of him from my limited periphery than before, who’s to say that God may have left him here as a reminder to be thankful and how it might be time to replace an occasional gripe with gratitude…..thank you for the lesson George, see you on the trail.

anablepsis. 

I have an affinity for inspirational stories. I was moved by a particular clip I saw online of a young woman that gave a moving performance from the television series America’s Got Talent (2021.)

She referred to herself simply as Jane. It was a moving performance personally written entitled; “It’s Okay’ as sung by her stage name Nightbirde.

What was striking to me beyond the performance was her story.

At the time of the taping of the show, we learned that the song was written to encourage herself and others that, “It’s Okay.” Jane was battling cancer, which by then spread to her lungs, spine and liver. 

While the judges and audience were caught off guard, in a split second we were all reminded that with all the problems we have, and things we desired were better … .someone has it worse. 

But it went further for me. Jane’s attitude in living with her condition and her resolve inspired me. She said to the audience and judges; “I’m so much more important than the bad things that happened to me.” What a perspective!

We all have things in our lives we can complain about, (and almost (simultaneously) we all have things we can be grateful for. Gratitude is a decision, it’s a choice we make even in loss. It’s in loss that we show gratitude for what we have left.

Granted, this may be a stretch for some because of how we’ve been conditioned and trained to see life and outcomes.

But every now and again, every once in a while, a Jane comes along to remind us “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy” … .

Thank You Jane, Good night Nightbirde. 12/29/90-02-19-2022  

anablepsis.

Patience. The word elicits a sundry of thoughts and ideas for me. Why is it referred to as a virtue? Could it be considered a friend or foe in our lives?

Patience is defined as: the ability to wait, or to continue doing something despite difficulties, or to suffer without complaining or becoming annoyed.  

Seems almost impossible huh? Frankly, there are many blessed with this virtue, and if you’re one such person, you may find this post a little boring, but congratulations on this discipline just the same.

Those of us challenged in this area from time to time may find these examples familiar triggers for impatience; waiting in line, waiting in traffic, waiting for someone to make their point, waiting for money or an important document sent “snail mail.” 

It’s possible that patience can be developed and bring benefit to our relationships, overall attitude, giving a sense of gratitude, and is known to assist in areas of mental health. But is there a code to crack in getting patience? Is there a special endowment that comes on you and now you are capable of waiting without resistance anxiety free?

In Columbia Metropolitan Magazine, Thomas Barbian Ph.D. in his article The Skill of Patience (Learning to accept daily frustrations.) Dr. Barbian points out how surrender is an essential part of fostering patience.

“Surrender tends to have a negative connotation associated with it, likely from its use in the context of war. Yet, we surrender to certain realities all the time and don’t think twice. There is much in nature that we surrender to; such as gravity, seasons, daylight and darkness. We do not view surrender to those realities as a bad thing. Why? It is because we are sure we cannot change that specific reality, so we choose not to fight it; rather, we accept the reality”. 

This was a game changer for me in the matter of patience. I never saw patience and surrender working in tandem. When understood accurately, it allows acceptance of things we can’t change, and also things that could change us for the better.

Patience is designated to facilitate the process that fosters personal development. This gives us time for tug of war, resistance, kicking and screaming, acting out, pouting and complaining and when we’re finally done patience remains there to finish the job it’s purposed to do.

So I ask you kind friend, is patience friend or foe? You can decide by embracing it or repelling it.  anablepsis.

What is it about babies that makes us go “coo coo for Cocoa Puffs”? It is said that; interacting with babies can evoke powerful emotional responses due to their innocence, vulnerability, and potential for growth.

Babies often display behaviors such as smiling, cooing, and reaching out for interaction, which can be inherently rewarding for adults. Additionally, caring for and nurturing a baby can fulfill psychological needs for love, connection, and purpose.

When our son Vinny FaceTimes his Mom with our soon to be 8 month old granddaughter, my wife is immediately raptured into a love frenzy.

Her smile is as bright as the sun bellowing out beams of unbridled joy and laughter from her heart, (much like I used to do in those early dating years!) Just kidding. Here is Brenda; “Grandma loves that little girl”! “How are you doing today”? “Are you doing okay”?

This goes on for a strong 3-4 minutes as I somehow manage to steal 30 seconds from our face-time before she has had enough of both of us. She’ll start squirming and becoming discontent as though she suddenly finds the audience of her grandparents boring and nothing can save us! It’s over!

This precious life can summon mirth in an instant. It’s a chance for us to experience love in a moment from a pure source. No animosity, no schemes, no admission charge.

I’ve always felt babies were kind of a litmus test to me. If a baby is passed around the room over time and doing well and playful with others, and then delivered to me and starts crying and screaming uncontrollably, and they have been changed and fed, no upset stomach, their gums aren’t agitated from teething, I might wonder ‘is it me’? Because the winners are the ones who can make the baby smile, laugh, and interact with you.

I realize as an adult, it’s impossible to turn back the clock to that state of innocence, purity, and harmless existence, (it’s a wrap!) But there was a time in my first 6 months of life, I was
bringing joy and garnering admiration from onlookers. You may not remember, but there was a time you too were the talk of the town!

I watch our 16 year old grandson holding his baby sister as we used to hold and cuddle him. Time goes so fast. I remember strapping our grandson Jeremiah in his car seat, bringing in tow, his entourage of playpen, car seats, toys, and diaper bag.

It was about a year ago, when this same baby boy who grew up to be a young man with facial hair and a deepened tenor voice who advised me and grandmother to put on our seatbelts as he was now chauffeuring us! The pure joy in the circle of life.

anablepisis

I always say, ‘there’s nothing like a good laugh!’ I’m sure there is debate somewhere out there as to whether it’s good or not. A sundry of circumstances at just the right time could make us laugh. Whatever triggers your laughter, I’ve come to learn that it just might be good for our health after all.

According to an article in News Medical Life Sciences late last year “There are two different types of laughter found in humans, including involuntary emotionally-driven laughter, which is reliant on a positive emotional state, and voluntary laughter that represents the intentional reproduction of emotional laughter.”  

The article goes on to say; according to Psychologist, Susan Albers, explaining how humor can impact immunity in positive ways, stating, “Laughter helps to boost the immune system, which makes us more resistant to disease. Also, it decreases stress hormones, which are taxing to the immune system. On the other hand, laughter increases the antibody-producing cells and T cells in our bodies. These cells are like a defense army against illness.”

So there you have it, you and I have a medical clearance to laugh to our heart’s content!

Even though so much is happening so quickly in our lives, it’s a good practice to avoid stress at all costs. It can encroach on our peace before we know it. 

Stress quietly enters the defenses through repetitive thinking and meditating on things we tend to worry about. If not harnessed, and managed quickly and effectively, it is allowed to grow to the semblance of living under an emotional and psychological RED alert inside the mind!

Granted, there’s a lot going on in the world, in our homes, relationships, job, education, business that requires sobriety. We must be vigilant.

But every now and then, something happens that may strike the funny bone just right. Don’t pass up the opportunity to laugh. Get it all out… and feel better!

anablepsis.

Time. Ever present but fleeting. The sweeping second hand of a clock. In a second, something gained, something lost. I was awakened this morning to a tragedy of a young man we knew through our neighbor, killed in an auto accident, just a few short hours ago. 

Driving home from getting a late night snack. The video footage showed him approaching the intersection northbound on a green light and was met by someone barreling through the intersection at a high rate of speed torpedoing eastbound into the intersection hitting the side of his car…I believe he never knew what hit him.

Instantly in eternity. Death interrupted him from making it home. Only doing as he had done before on that fateful night.

I hadn’t seen this young man in years but the last time I did, was at a cookout over a holiday, little did I know it would be the last time I would see him alive.

While the story is very sad for the family and friends more closely connected, the haunting reminder is ever present through the haze of grief …. time.

A curious thing about time, not always viewed for the precious commodity it is. My daughter Erika, who we lost over two years ago, was given 12,541 days on this earth. She didn’t know it, I didn’t know it. 

Like a silent person on a journey, time moves through the earth, punching eternal time clocks in and out of life. 

cycles….seasons…. moments. The sands are always silently streaming through the hourglass.

A wise king once said concerning time in his record found  in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend

a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

No matter where we are in the span of time, these words ring true. 

Someone weeping this morning over loss of life, while others are rejoicing over brand new life that science and the medical community said could never be..a miracle!

Someone is up early this morning grappling over a problem searching desperately for a solution. Another just received an answer to prayer. 

Someone is facing court today worrying about an outcome they may or may not face, while a couple is getting prepared to catch a flight, headed on a trip of a lifetime. Someone is battling to stay alive another day in hospice, while another is getting dressed for the first day of their new job.

All of these activities are happening under the same sky, in the context of time. 

How will we fill this day with the time given? What positive memories will we create? What can we say to someone who needs to hear an encouraging word?

How will you and I use this year, month, day, hour minute and second for good? 

We can, if we will.

anablepsis. 

Welcome to 2024! Is it me or did the past 12 months seem to fly by? 

As 2024 is now a reality, have you asked yourself (before now) ‘how will I show up in 2024, what will be different this year than in prior ones’?

Here’s a burning question for the ages; Have you discovered your life’s purpose? 

It may or may not be found in what you do or have done for a living. My guess, is that you’ve been living it out for years without knowing it. You may not see it as a purposeful assignment; perhaps you’ve brushed it aside. 

Have you noticed how and where you positively affect things around you? I believe it’s there, maybe not as visible because you do it fluidly without thinking and could relegate it as just part of your human makeup or personality.

Some have discovered their purpose in life but have yet to put it to use. Well, I’m standing here in 2024 to remind you it’s not too late. 

Look for clues: 

What things are improved after your input?
Do you find yourself effortlessly solving problems?
Do you have a knack for being creative? Making something from nothing, or causing something to be more serviceable than before?
Do you communicate in a way where you are heard and understood clearly and others are motivated by what they hear coming from you?
Do you have compassion for the less fortunate and disadvantaged?  

Let me encourage you to take note of things you do excellently with little or no effort, these may be tools for your assignment in the purpose of your life.

If you’re reading this post, there is still time to discover your purpose. Once you identify and acknowledge it, you can begin putting it to good use, regardless of how much time you have left.  

Grant it, some of us need to get on with it more than others because the clock is ticking and we don’t have as many New Year’s left than others, however we have now and we have today. Don’t let what you’ve done already, your age, your status in life whether good or bad define what could be ahead.

I pray you discover your assignment this year. I pray you improve on your assignment this year. I pray you bring a better and more complete YOU to the assignment.

Happy New Year, and Happy New YOU!

Kelvin